My husband and I were having a conversation last night, and this phrase came right out of my mouth, “you need to forget your career and find your calling.” He thought it was brilliant. Well, I never think of myself as brilliant, so I said “Thank You” and kept talking about our future. But, the phrase keep repeating itself in my head, so I just had to elaborate…
How many of us dream of that perfect career? When does that dream begin? I can remember dreaming about my future career as a nurse or teacher when I was in high school. I didn’t have enough faith in myself to pursue either option, so I ended up meandering through a myriad of choices (or lack of choices) when I was in college the first time. I was fortunate enough to take enough “general education” classes to complete an Associates degree in Liberal Studies. But, regardless of achieving that degree, I still had no clear-cut path for my dream career.
As time went by I still found myself dreaming of my two career choices. I decided to go back to college in 2002 and pursue the nursing degree. I made a success of my grades until I completed all the required prerequisites to get into the professional nursing program. I never crossed the threshold into completing that dream. I also pursued the idea of becoming a teacher. Once again I succeeded in all the necessary prerequisites to enter into a professional teacher preparation program. And, once again I never crossed that threshold.
As I continue to finish my bachelors degree through a distance learning program, I realize that I may never have my “dream” career. I realize now that my goal has been to complete a Bachelors degree, but I have lost sight of that potential career. What happened?
Life happened. I got married. I birthed four children in the last decade. I have been at home on a full-time basis, trying to give my children a sense of stability in a world that has by-gone memories of stay at home moms. I have battled my ideals within myself for a long time. My heart and my mind have been at the opposite ends of the boxing arena, trying to end the conflict within my soul. My heart longs to be at home, yet my mind is saying that I need to be in the workplace, and helping my husband with a secondary income.
So, as I return to the phrase I quoted above, I realize that I need to forget my dream career. I need to place that dream on hold for now so I can turn my attention to the ‘here’ and ‘now’. I know what I need to be doing, and it’s what I have been doing all along… my calling as a mother and wife. I know that sounds archaic, boring, backwards, and unworthy. But, that is what our society thinks about stay at home moms. It is not what I believe.
I am embracing the joy, the trials, the opportunities, the endeavors, the milestones and the miracles of staying at home. My calling is to shape a future generation through love, time, attention, training, disciplining, correction, encouragement, and consistency. I only have one chance to make a difference in the lives of my children; its a difference that will last a lifetime. I will make mistakes, and I will have days of doubt, fear, and feelings of being overwhelmed. But, I will also have days of laughter, making memories, light-bulb moments of learning, and sheer joy to be hugged, kissed, tickled, and appreciated.
My calling is NOW, my career may be NEVER.